Tuesday 6/11/24
Today I’ve decided that I write so often and have so much to say that maybe I am limiting myself to posting once each week. A weekly “diary” entry each Sunday night would be cute. Of course, this will be the shallower, edited diary that has no relation to the real one I have…that would be too exhibitionist for me. I am an extremelyyy private person but, oddly enough and very contradictorily, I also love the exchange of information and ideas through writing. This diary entry business will be selfish, really. It’s mostly so that I can look back at my days forever, keep myself writing something once a day, and posting more. But yes, so far today that has been my biggest decision made.
Other than that I’ve worked, connected with one person on Linkedin…link build collab, read 5+ Substack essays, listened to dead women’s voices through music, ate an amazing beautiful perfect tofu/potato/bean/bell pepper breakfast burrito for dinner, and saw some goats on the side of the freeway along the LA mountains on the way back from mom’s. (run on sentence yes)
The best part of today, though, was a pep talk from my grandmother. She stood with her purple sweater on and tears in her eyes as she reminded me that I am in fact young, I am in fact going to be more than okay, and she does in fact believe that I will “shine like a star” wherever I go and whatever I do. I love you Pup.
Wednesday 6/12/24
Made my most vulnerable, cheesy, dramatic, etc post public…feeling not so very brave right now.
Anywaysss, my boyfriend and I decided to hike this afternoon. Yesterday, there was a hillside nearby filled with goats, and we found it again to try to find them. As we pulled up into the dirt parking lot I saw a large dog sitting on the dead hillside, watching us. A herd dog. The goats weren’t there, but as we began the walk through the field that would lead us to the hike, the dog followed us on the other side of a white fence. Once on the hill, the trail was narrow and filled with leaves, as if no one had been on it for a long time. On one side was brush, and the other the same white fence. At points, I had to turn to squeeze to not hit the brush or the fence.
At the top of the first hill, voila! We ran into the goats (and sheep!). Ugh, it was so cool. They “bah-ed” and did all the goat things. The best part about it, though, was that they were freely grazing, not in a cage or anything. It was a long walk to see them, so it felt like the simulated wild. Simulated, because it was definitely one big farm and not an actual pack of wild goats. Either way, still cool.
Not two minutes after walking down the other side of the hill, the white barbed wire fence had collapsed on the path. Zach grabbed the fence, intending to hold it up so we could pass, but got shocked. Yes, like shocked. It was electric and there were no signs at the beginning of the trail. ANDD the trail was extremely narrow, so odds were that someone would touch the fencing. Turning around at that point was the only option.
The trail got a 1 star review on AllTrails lol. This little face-to-face with a goat was worth a failed hike, though.
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Thursday 6/13/24
Allow me to take you all into the inner workings of my tiring OCD brain. (I’m not saying OCD as in I like clean stuff etc, I mean like actual OCD but that’s a topic for another day). Heads-up, this is quite a ramble, written confusingly, and I don’t have time to edit it:). Skip if you’d like.
Today’s big noteworthy event was my increasing worry about a red itchy spider bite on the inside of my left ankle. For background, this house is known to have black widows in the backyard from time to time but, there are also other spiders. With my luck, I didn’t get to see which type of spider bit me. That would’ve saved me about an hour of panicking. Being able to rule out a black-widow would have also saved me from freaking out and doing a deep dive into 10+ medical sites to do a few things:
I had to determine what type of spider bit me. Turns out black widow bites look like any other bite. Red, swelling, itchy, two fang marks etc. I don’t know… I think it’s an unfair world we live in if the most venomous bite doesn’t have some clear way to identify it. When I couldn’t come to a conclusion if it was a black widow bite or literally a skin mark (insert Michael Scott mistaking his ingrown lip hair for herpes), I had to defer to the next research tactic:
Scanning my symptoms to see if they align with medically accurate black widow bite symptoms: Tonight was the first night it was super itchy, but Wednesday night before bed was when I first noticed it. Since I didn’t see the bite happen, I assume I could have had it since Tuesday. I had to scan symptoms from each day.
Unfortunately, the main symptoms of black widow bites are chest pain, muscle aches/spasms, and shortness of breath. I had proof of chest pain and shortness of breath. Tuesday morning I drank my usual Celsius (I knowww I should drink coffee instead). Unsurprisingly, 10 minutes after finishing the drink I had terrible chest pain and trouble breathing steadily. It wore off after about an hour and a half.
As I scrolled through symptoms, my anxiety naturally increased. Causing me to begin to have trouble breathing steadily, noticing strange muscle sensations, and basically being a big issue. The anxiety was basically skewing all the results of my stupid research, rendering my results about whether or not I was experiencing black widow bite symptoms … inconclusive.
I was at the end of the line or the end of the rope, whatever the saying is, and the only option was to revoke my adult card for a minute and call my mom. My mother, in all her wisdom, brought me to reality and reminded me that if it had been a black widow bite, the symptoms occur in the first day. It had been over a day. On top of that, even if I was bit by one, a Google search can tell me that I would more than likely be fine. And, she was right.
Black widow bites are NOT even close to deadly.
So like…did everyone know this? Like…they’re technically treatable at home (for the general healthy population). I thought we all grew up in fear of them. Now, I’m finding out they’re only deadly like less than 1% of the time??? Crazy. It’s like growing up and finding out that quicksand isn’t going to be a real issue in your adult life. In a week, if I am perfectly fine, I will have gone through so much stress that I might just claim I survived a black widow bite for fun.
Friday 6/14/24
Cheesecake Factory’s angel hair (I love this name for pasta, what a pretty way to say thin strands of semolina wheat) and marinara was bland and watery. A Pierce Brosnan look-alike, specifically from Mamma Mia, at a nearby booth was loud and obnoxious. Oh, and I rode a pink Razor scooter through Target’s electronics section.
Finished Bridgerton tonight. I do believe the new showrunner failed the show in some important aspects. But, I loveeee two things: the newfound understanding between Penelope and Lady Featherington and the dive into Cressida’s character. Both characters, Lady Featherington and Cressida, have been unlikeable thus far. Throughout this season, though, we see they are both simply products of living in a world where women’s main options are to marry or…to marry. Cressida and Lady Featherington didn’t follow their hearts, didn’t have the best intentions, but now we can understand and love them for their survival instincts. I can dive deeper, but I’ll save the Bridgerton analysis for a separate post. Oh, and it should be stated that my favorite character is Eloise…duh. I’m just nervous, alongside most Bridgerton fans, for her season. She better get a new love story, as opposed to the story accurate to the book. I have to stop now, I said I’d save it for another post!!
Saturday 6/15/24
A disease has spread throughout LA: pickleball. Contagious, chronic, and constant. Today, I had been invited to my mother’s best friend’s pickleball themed birthday party. On the hottest day of the week, on top of a scorching roof too close to the sun, I was introduced to the world of pickleball. My mother’s world…the place she escapes to 4-5 times a week for 3 hours at a time. The conversation:
“Hey Mom, are you free tonight?”
“Yes, but not from 6pm-9pm…I have pickleball,” has happened at least 10 times.
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I suppose I get the pickleball addiction now, even though I still don’t understand the name. Pickleball’s social nature is embedded in the game, making it everyone’s sport. I met some really interesting people, sweat for 3 hours, and most importantly: tried something new.
Sunday 6/16/24
We have to stay inside today. As a born and raised Southern Californian, I’m no stranger to wild fires. There’s a current wildfire up in Gorman, coming south towards Pyramid Lake, affecting the air quality everywhere from Lake Castaic to Woodland Hills. The latest news (as of 12:14pm) says that the fire is around 12,265 acres large, and not at all contained. It’ll grow.
AQI (Air Quality Index) is increasingly worsening throughout LA and the SCV is colored in red (the color above green on the scale). Just above LA, there is an oval of dark purple and red, aka the location of fire.
I got to scrolling through the AQI index, checking out other major cities out of curiosity. I moved over to Europe, unsurprised that France had a near perfect AQI, the entirety of the country a healthy green, but then the map suddenly went dark. This is how I found out that only certain countries share their AQI information with the US. For example, Japan is colored in green and yellow…a very healthy index. Beijing is spotted with a light purple and red, indicating a less than optimal air quality. However, most of Asia, Africa, and Eastern Europe are completely gray. C’mon, share your air quality index with me! I’m curious!!!
I didn’t expect to get abnormally interested in something like international air quality measurements, but life is funny that way. I also didn’t expect to go down a rabbit hole about if international air quality is public information or not. It is private or, according to a quick Google search, either the countries in gray do not use the same AQI system as us or they do not monitor for AQI at all. Interesting stuff for an otherwise uninteresting day.
Music on rotation this week:
Don’t Delete the Kisses - Wolf Alice
Anyone Who Knows What Love Is (Will Understand) - Irma Thomas
(You’re The) Devil in Disguise - Elvis
Sixteen Reasons - Connie Stevens
Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes (not quite due to the song itself, but instead because I recently read more about the group’s backstory and found Jade’s alleged story sad)
BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish (duh)
Next week I go to the PNW!!! Oh, and I survived the black widow bite. It’ll be my new fun fact, interchangeable with being vegan for 7 years.
I love the idea of you sharing your “less personal” diary. Your descriptions of the things you see, feel and do, are so beautiful, deep and raw. Thank you